Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Heaven and Uncle Tebo

    I know I haven't been here for a long time,but I have been busy. Today I am here to pour out my heart. i have been crying since last evening over the loss of my cousin Jeff also know as Uncle Tebo.Yes, even to me...his cousin. Well really, the name fit so well and for awhile he changed his name to Tim Corban, for reasons I am not going into right now. I could never call him Tim. It just wasn't right. It did not fit his character. Uncle Tebo did.That was perfect. I don't know how to explain that but anyone that knew him knows that it was perfect.I have been crying for our loss. I don't say mine I say ours because he had so many relatives and friends are missing him tonight. When he changed his name back to Jeff Kropf we all rejoiced and maybe even celebrated a little not to the point of sending gifts to one another but we were so pleased. It felt like he came back completely.Which he really did,he was our Jeff again.

   I am ready now to lay aside my sorrow for a moment of reflection on how Tebo must be feeling right now. I think it would be rather fun and interesting for all of us who knew him to speculate a little on what he would be telling us if he could. He was always so sincere in what he believed and if he believed something no one could change his mind.Not that we really tried but he was strong. I remember when Fatima left him that he said he would be sitting on the porch waiting for her to come back until he was 80 years old.And he was so smart.He told story after story about the house they built that he had computerized to do so many things. Like turn the shower on for him in the morning before he was out of bed and to turn the light on dimly and slowly brightening over time so they wouldn't have that blinding light in the morning and their eyes could adjust gradually. It would be called a smart house now. He had to sell that house after Fatima left. He lost so much, he endured so much pain. Waiting, waiting for his family to change their mind and come back home, and always he loved them. The tears he cried over them God must have collected them all.

Here is a quote from a conversation we had earlier this year, I knew he had initially had a lot of sleepless nights,so I asked him how he was doing,he said,
   "I sleep more than I used to...from sheer exhaustion. But I haven't had a night yet where I don't wake up often and pray for them and go back to sleep.
But I'm so tired all the time now that I could lay down and take a nap at any time. I yawn all day. I'm just worn out.

I'd honestly just rather die and get it overwith. But I'm still breathing, so on I go."

   WE all know that Jeff has suffered much, I picture him as Jacob who wrestled with God and prevailed but always walked with a limp thereafter. When Jeff was here on his last visit must have been summer of 2010, I noticed that he seemed to be struggling with God, He seemed almost cynical like maybe he was giving up on God's goodness.Who can blame him for that, we all would have struggled in his situation. I remember then begging God to help him through and to help him keep his faith. Then I didn't hear from him for awhile until the beginning of this year we joined facebook and while I was still learning the ropes, one day up pops this little message box with a message from Jeff and I discovered this wonderful, beautiful world of private messaging on facebook. I treasure that avenue now that brought us back in touch with each other. I noticed a difference in Jeff right away. He had a settled peace about him and a restoration to his former faith in Amighty God.More of a resignation but a love for the LORD and a peace that passes understanding. So beautiful. I recognized it as the attitude of one who has gone through great trials and has wrestled with God and said AMEN LORD. and received from God the love that comes from allowing God to be Lord of your life.Like I said before he walked with a limp but like Jacob he worshiped God leaning on his staff.

  So what is Jeff feeling today?I know he has feelings because the part of us that feels like us never dies.I read lots of stories about people that died and then were sent back again, most of them didn't even make it inside the gates and they describe...well really they can't, there are just no earthly words to describe heaven. So what is Jeff feeling? I think indescribable peace and rest like he hasn't known for a long time. I think he was first met on the very outskirts of heaven by all the relatives that he knew here on earth that got there before he did. I think he recognized them all and they were so happy he came. They probably danced and sang. I wonder if he remembers the song ON THE FAR BANKS OF JORDAN. If he thinks at all about the ones left behind here he's probably singing that song. I'm sure he has a guitar and maybe even some new instrument that none of us can even imagine. But I am certain the Jesus will put him in the music department of Heaven. I think he has a crowd of kids around him and his heart is healed from all the times he longed for his own here on earth and he missed out being with them.

  I think that when he met Jesus there he was on his face praising God for all the times he carried him through and for a life set free. I believe that Jesus raised him up and wrapped his arms around him and said," WELL DONE, my Good and faithful servant, enter though into the joy of thy Lord"and that is where he is now. enjoying his environment. I think that perhaps God still lets him fly too. without any need to worry about crashing ever again. I like to imagine how the initial flight to heaven was too. Just think what it would be like to soar beyond the Milky Way.

   These are my thoughts....Till we meet again dear cousin. I never thought I would actually be doing this ...I thought you would live to be old, I thought your family would come back. I believed they would. But I was wrong. Till we meet again my friend, I miss you here. I still see your name on Facebook and that green light that means your on chat that will never turn green again. I will miss your music videos that you will never do more of. Thank God for the ones we still have. I will watch them and cry and laugh. I will cry over I WON"T HAVE TO WORRY WHEN I REACH THE OTHER SIDE, and laugh over IF MY NOSE WAS RUNNING MONEY, and enjoy all the others in between. You were one of a kind and can never be replaced. I want to turn you over to God, you belong there, but I will never have to release your memory....and when my time comes it will be a joy to see you in the welcoming party. And then I want to see JESUS.


  1. Thankyou for shearing that, it is very touching and so true. Darold Headings

  2. You expressed yourself beautifully. Your words make me feel your memories and loss. Be comforted sweet friend.

  3. That was very beautifully written! May Jesus be very near you in the days ahead as you grieve! May Jesus comfort you Dear Friend!